SEX AND PREGNANCY: QUEEN BEE SYNDROME

As pregnancy progresses, continuing your sex life might take a bit of experimenting with your technique. Many couples remember pregnancy as the time they discovered a few new positions and techniques that became a part of their wider sexual repertoire after the baby was born. Lisa said, ‘In the last few months intercourse was difficult if he was on top. I grew so big I think he’d have to be exceptionally well-endowed to be able to reach. Lying side by side or me on top was best for us. We actually found that me on top was the position we both enjoyed even after the baby was born, so we do it that way a lot now. Right at the end of the pregnancy with the baby’s head pressing down there was just no room in my vagina for intercourse, but that was okay. There were plenty of other things we could do sexually that didn’t involve intercourse. We both had to use our imaginations more.’

Julia continued to enjoy sex right through her pregnancy too. ‘The only position I found comfortable in the end was with him entering from behind. You know, doggy-style. I hadn’t realized the impact it had on him until the first time we made love after the new baby, and he looked into my eyes and said, “Gee it’s nice to see your face again!”

There are women who never enjoyed sex before pregnancy, for whatever reason. Sex therapists speak of a ‘Queen Bee syndrome’; a situation where, for this group of women, sex is for procreation only. That means that for the few months it takes them to get pregnant they are highly interested, but once they conceive it’s a very different story. Once the Queen Bee has mated with a drone in flight, she has no further use for him. There’s the analogy. For men in this situation it is terribly confusing. The period of high sexual interest highlights the contrast when sex is turned off again. He may feel the best he can hope for is trouble conceiving. The difficulties with the sexual part of the relationship are likely to be a pointer to deeper problems with the whole relationship. These couples will often need extensive sexual and relationship counselling to see if the problems can be overcome.

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